How to Prepare for BDSM Sex

It’s important to have neutral, honest conversations with your partner about their desires and the kinds of restraint that turn them on. And while this can be uncomfortable, it’s a great way to begin actually dipping your toes into the wide world of BDSM.

Getting comfortable with things like spanking and nipple biting is a good idea before you move on to more intense fetish play.

Grooming

BDSM is wickedly alluring for many reasons — it breaks taboos, pushes your erotic comfort zone and can lead to thrilling peak experiences. But BDSM also comes with real risks. And that’s why it is so important to have neutral, honest and open conversations with your play partner about your needs, fantasies and boundaries.

Having a conversation about kink and bondage can feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s necessary to avoid any miscommunication that could lead to pain. Having this chat is actually its own anticipation-building form of foreplay.

Be sure to clean all toys you use for BDSM to ensure that they are hygienic and safe. For example, if you engage in bondage, it’s best to rinse the bonds and hands after each session to remove any remaining body fluids.

You should also decide on a “safe word” before attempting any kink. This will help you stop the play if it becomes too intense or you’re feeling overwhelmed. You can find lots of fun kink equipment online, but it’s perfectly fine to start with things like a blindfold or wrist restraints that you can make out of items around your home. These inexpensive tools are great for experimenting with a variety of kinky play scenarios and will still be useful if you eventually decide that discipline or D/s is not for you.

Personal Care

BDSM can be physically or emotionally intense for both partners, so aftercare is essential. It could include discussion, cuddling, sleep or any other non-physical activity that helps both participants decompress and process the experience. This will help re-establish the dynamic that was exploited during the scene and promote overall physical and emotional health.

If either partner feels too vulnerable after a session, they should seek professional support to untangle the feelings and find healthy ways to express them. It’s also important that neither partner is under the influence of drugs or alcohol while engaging in BDSM, as it will make it much harder to give consent and can lead to unsafe situations for everyone involved.

It’s also a good idea to start small with BDSM if you’re new to it. Try out a few light BDSM activities to see if you’re comfortable before diving into more complicated disciplines like bondage or sensory play. Instead of going straight to leather handcuffs, for example, you can buy a blindfold and some wrist restraints that are gentler on the skin. You can even try out sensory play with feather ticklers or ice cubes before moving on to more advanced techniques. This will ensure that you’re ready for more once you and your partner feel comfortable.

Clothing

A kinkster’s wardrobe can play a big role in the dynamics of their scene. Depending on the nature of their fetish, the outfit they choose can make them feel confident and powerful. For example, a male fetishist might wear leather from head to toe, including a leather harness and Speedos with a bow-tie, or they might dress like a French maid for collar play. Alternatively, a female fetishist may wear form-fitting latex that accentuates their curves for a Dom’s pleasure, or she might opt for a thong and panties for a more modest style.

Some fetishists wear blindfolds in their scenes for the added element of mystery and intrigue. They can tease and tantalize their partners by kissing all over them, whispering dirty talk in their ear or tickling erogenous zones. In addition, a fetishist might also wear accessories that convey their role in the scene such as nose clamps that look like classic clothespins and close the septum or nipples, or genital piercing earrings that add an extra dimension of arousal.

Discretion is a big deal in the BDSM community, and wearing a mask or other clothing to conceal your face is an effective way of keeping other people out of your business — especially when you’re at a b-day party or another kind of public event. However, a mask can be too revealing for some types of fetish and might not work in a professional setting. For those situations, a wig might be a better choice.

Communication

It’s important to communicate with your partner before and during BDSM play. This includes discussing fetishes and boundaries, and choosing a safe word before things get going. Safe words are a way to signal that something isn’t working for you and/or your partner, and they can help prevent unsafe behavior or accidental injury.

You’ll also want to discuss what you’re each comfortable with in regards to BDSM acts like bondage, humiliation, or sex toys. For example, what might feel like a mild form of bondage for you may actually be very intense for your partner. This will allow you to work up to more difficult BDSM acts as you both become accustomed to them and learn how they feel for you.

Finally, it’s a good idea to connect with the larger kink community to find out what kind of BDSM experiences are available in your area. You can do this by watching erotica on BDSM-focused tubes, joining a kink chat room, or even attending a kink meetup (also called a “play party”).

Remember that it’s essential to have explicit and enthusiastic consent during BDSM sex. Taking the time to talk about your deepest desires, secret interests, and what you’re interested in learning can add new colors to your sexual relationship without compromising your physical and emotional health.